All About Families Counseling - Logo

- William James, Father of Psychology

"Begin to Be Now What You Will Be Hereafter"

Serving Birdsboro, PA and the Surrounding Communities  |

Call now: 610-575-0390

Counseling

Welcome to my blog

 

Here you can add some text to explain what your blog is about and a bit about you.

By allaboutfa3909812, Sep 7 2017 07:43PM

The start of the new school year is exciting for most kids. But it also prompts a spike in anxiety: Even kids who are usually pretty easy-going get butterflies, and kids prone to anxiety get clingier and more nervous than usual. Parents feel the pain, too: Leaving a crying child at preschool isn’t anyone’s idea of fun. And having to talk a panicked first grader onto the bus or out of the car at school can be a real test of your diplomatic skills.

Kids who normally have a little trouble separating from mom and dad will see their anxiety peak during times of stress or transition. The start of school may be especially challenging for kids who are entering

a transition year such as going into kindergarten, into middle school, or to a new school. It can also be stressful if there’s a change in your child’s social support system — maybe a good friend has moved, or has a different teacher this year.

Being anxious is just one possible issue that your child may face. Getting bullied, moving to a new school, struggling academically or having trouble with self-confidence and body image. Regardless of

age and grade, these are some of the timeless problems your kids may be encountering when they’re heading back to school. Going back to school is a big transition for kids since the freedom of summer gets replaced with the structure of school.

Problem: Your child is getting bullied at school or isn’t making friends.

Getting picked on at school is incredibly embarrassing, so your child may not admit that they’re getting bullied by fellow students. Parents need to focus on how their child is behaving instead of what he or

she is saying. Your child could have unexplained injuries, missing or damaged property, they might not want to go to school, or they may have trouble eating and sleeping.

Parents need to communicate with their children exactly what they are seeing and offer help. He’ll be reassured to hear that he doesn’t have to deal with this on his own – although he may also be very

afraid of what might happen if the parent were to become involved.

You can help to alleviate that worry by letting him know that you’ll follow his lead as much as possible while also fulfilling your parenting responsibility to do your best to keep him safe. Let your kids know that bullying is extremely common and they shouldn’t blame themselves for what’s happening.

Problem: Your child isn’t getting good grades or is struggling academically.

If your child is struggling in school, she won’t say it outright either so be prepared to read between the lines.She could complain about the teacher, act out in class, or talk about how the material is boring.

She could skip, show up late or even complain about a tummy ache or feeling unwell to get a sick note.

They could be forgetting textbooks or pencils and doing things that drive parents crazy. We think it’s kids not paying attention but it happens more when you’re disengaged with a subject. Help your child brainstorm solutions once you’ve identified a problem. This will give her the chance to practice self-advocacy skills, such as asking the teacher for help, or getting a tutor to work on subjects that need improvement.

Problem: Your child is lacking self-confidence, or has body image issues.

Check in with your child to see how they’re feeling about their body image, confidence with public speaking or any other issues. If they’re nervous about an issue, such as reading out loud, practice breathing exercise and start an informal book club at home so they can share their thoughts in a comfortable setting.

Weight and body image concerns are legitimate. This is an area of high pressure for all ages in the

world. Try to discuss the issue so you can dispel any misunderstandings or explain what’s going on

with their growing bodies, such as puberty and growth spurts. Ask your kids outright what they think

could help them feel better about themselves. If it’s a weight issue, you could carve out a healthy eating plan and exercise as a family.

It is important your kids know that things won’t always be as tumultuous as they are right now, and that you’re there to support them. Hope is very important when they’re grappling with difficult issues. Kids need to know that they’re not alone and that they can count on you for practical assistance and moral support.

By allaboutfa3909812, Jun 12 2017 07:00PM

What are your memories of playing as a child? Some of us will remember hide and seek, house, tag,

and red rover red rover. Others may recall arguing about rules in kickball or stick ball or taking turns at jump rope, or creating imaginary worlds with our dolls, building forts, putting on plays, or dressing-up. From long summer days to a few precious after-school hours, kid-organized play may have filled much

of your free time. But what about your children? Are their opportunities for play the same as yours were? Most likely not. Play time is in short supply for children these days and the lifelong consequences for developing children can be more serious than many people realize.

________________________________________

THE DECLINE OF PLAY

An article in the most recent issue of the American Journal of Play details not only how much children's play time has declined, but how this lack of play affects emotional development, leading to the rise of anxiety, depression, and problems of attention and self control. "Since about 1955 ... children's free play has been continually declining, at least partly because adults have exerted ever-increasing control over children's activities," says the author Peter Gray, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology (emeritus) at Boston College. Gray defines "free play" as play a child undertakes him- or her-self and which is self-directed

and an end in itself, rather than part of some organized activity.

Gray describes this kind of unstructured, freely-chosen play as a testing ground for life. It provides

critical life experiences without which young children cannot develop into confident and competent adults. Gray's article is meant to serve as a wake-up call regarding the effects of lost play, and he believes that lack of childhood free play time is a huge loss that must be addressed for the sake of our children and society.

WHO AND WHAT IS INTERFERING WITH CHILDREN'S PLAY?

Parents who hover over and intrude on their children's play are a big part of the problem, according to

Gray. "It is hard to find groups of children outdoors at all, and, if you do find them, they are likely to be wearing uniforms and following the directions of coaches while their parents dutifully watch and cheer."

He cites a study which assessed the way 6- to 8-year-olds spent their time in 1981 and again in 1997.

The researchers found that compared to 1981, children in 1997 spent less time in play and had less

free time. They spent 18 percent more time at school, 145 percent more time doing school work, and

168 percent more time shopping with parents. The researchers found that, including computer play, children in 1997 spent only about eleven hours per week at play.

In another study, mothers were asked to compare their own memories of their playtime, to their children's current schedules. Eighty-five percent noted that their children played outdoors less frequently and for shorter periods of time than they had. The mothers noted that they restricted their own children's outdoor play because of safety concerns, a fact echoed in other surveys where parents mentioned child predators, road traffic, and bullies as reasons for restricting their children's outdoor play. Adding to the problem, Gray notes, is our increasing emphasis on schooling and on adult-directed activities. Preschools and kindergartens have become more academically-oriented and many schools have even eliminated recess. It is not that anyone set out to do away with free play time. But its value has not been recognized. As a result, kids' free play time has not been protected.

FIVE WAYS PLAY BENEFITS KIDS

When children are in charge of their own play, it provides a foundation for their future mental health as older children and adults. Gray mentions five main benefits:

1. Play gives children a chance to find and develop a connection to their own self-identified and self-guided interests.

As they choose the activities that make up free play, kids learn to direct themselves and pursue and elaborate on their interests in a way that can sustain them throughout life. Gray notes that: "...in school, children work for grades and praise and in adult-directed sports, they work for praise and trophies.... In free play, children do what they want to do, and the learning and psychological growth that results are byproducts, not conscious goals of the activity."

2. It is through play that children first learn how to make decisions, solve problems, exert self control,

and follow rules.

As children direct their own free play and solve the problems that come up, they must exert control over themselves and must, at times, accept restrictions on their own behavior and follow the rules if they want to be accepted and successful in the game.

As children negotiate both their physical and social environments through play, they can gain a sense of mastery over their world, Gray contends. It is this aspect of play that offers enormous psychological benefits, helping to protect children from anxiety and depression.

"Children who do not have the opportunity to control their own actions, to make and follow through on

their own decisions, to solve their own problems, and to learn how to follow rules in the course of play grow up feeling that they are not in control of their own lives and fate. They grow up feeling that they are dependent on luck and on the goodwill and whims of others...."

Anxiety and depression often occur when an individual feels a lack of control over his or her own life. "Those who believe that they master their own fate are much less likely to become anxious or depressed than those who believe that they are victims of circumstances beyond their control." Gray believes that the loss of playtime lessons about one's ability to exert control over some life circumstances set the scene for anxiety and depression.

3. Children learn to handle their emotions, including anger and fear, during play.

In free play, children put themselves into both physically and socially challenging situations and learn to control the emotions that arise from these stressors. They role play, swing, slide, and climb trees ... and "such activities are fun to the degree that they are moderately frightening ... nobody but the child himself

or herself knows the right dose." Gray suggests that the reduced ability to regulate emotions may be a

key factor in the development of some anxiety disorders. "Individuals suffering from anxiety disorders describe losing emotional control as one of their greatest fears. They are afraid of their own fear, and therefore small degrees of fear generated by mildly threatening situations lead to high degrees of fear generated by the person's fear of losing control." Adults who did not have the opportunity to experience

and cope with moderately challenging emotional situations during play are more at risk for feeling

anxious and overwhelmed by emotion-provoking situations in adult life.

4. Play helps children make friends and learn to get along with each other as equals.

Social play is a natural means of making friends and learning to treat one another fairly. Since play is voluntary and playmates may abandon the game at any time if they feel uncomfortable, children learn to

be aware of their playmates' needs and attempt to meet them in order to maintain the play.

Gray believes that "learning to get along and cooperate with others as equals may be the most crucial evolutionary function of human social play ... and that social play is nature's means of teaching young humans that they are not special. Even those who are more skilled at the game's actions ... must

consider the needs and wishes of the others as equal to their own, or else the others will exclude them." Gray cites increasing social isolation as a potential precursor to psychopathology and notes that the decline in play may be "both a consequence and a cause of the increased social isolation and

loneliness in the culture."

5. Most importantly, play is a source of happiness.

When children are asked about the activities that bring them happiness, they say they are happier when playing with friends than in any other situation. Perhaps you felt this way when remembering your own childhood play experiences at the beginning of this article. Gray sees the loss of play time as a double whammy: we have not only taken away the joys of free play, we have replaced them with emotionally stressful activities. "[A]s a society, we have come to the conclusion that to protect children from danger

and to educate them, we must deprive them of the very activity that makes them happiest and place them for ever more hours in settings where they are more or less continually directed and evaluated by adults, setting almost designed to produce anxiety and depression."

THE LOSS OF PLAY AND RISE OF ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION

There has been a significant increase in anxiety and depression from 1950 to present day in teens and young adults and Gray cites several studies documenting this rise. One showed that five to eight times

as many children and college students reported clinically significant depression or anxiety than 50 years ago and another documented a similar trend in the fourteen- to sixteen-year-old age group between1948 and 1989.

Suicide rates quadrupled from 1950 to 2005 for children less than fifteen years and for teens and young adults ages 15-25, they doubled. Gray believes that the loss of unstructured, free play for play's sake is

at the core of this alarming observation and that as a society, we should reassess the role of free play

and the factors that seem to have all but eliminated it from our children's lives. When parents realize the major role that free play can take in the development of emotionally healthy children and adults, they may wish to reassess the priorities ruling their children's lives. The competing needs for childcare,

academic and athletic success, and children's safety are compelling. But perhaps parents can begin to identify small changes -- such as openings in the schedule, backing off from quite so many supervised activities, and possibly slightly less hovering on the playground that would start the pendulum returning

to the direction of free, imaginative, kid-directed play.

________________________________________

This article originally appeared on TheDoctorWillSeeYouNow.com.

By allaboutfa3909812, Feb 22 2017 09:36PM

Anxiety attacks can feel awful, intense, and frightening. Because they can be powerful experiences, it can seem like anxiety attacks are out of our control.Those who experience anxiety attacks quickly learn that they can be highly unpleasant experiences. Even so, anxiety attacks and their symptoms can be successfully addressed with the right information, help, and support.

Symptoms of an anxiety attack can include:

• A feeling of overwhelming fear

• Feeling of going crazy or losing control

• Feeling you are in grave danger

• Feeling you might pass out

• A surge of doom and gloom

• An urgency to escape

• Dizziness

• Heart Palpitations

• Trembling

• Sweating

• Shortness of breath

• Chest pressure or pain

There is a long list of signs and symptoms of an anxiety attack. But because each body is somewhat chemically unique, anxiety attacks can affect each person differently. Consequently, anxiety attack symptoms can vary from person to person in type or kind, number, intensity, duration, and frequency.

If your symptoms don’t exactly match this list, that doesn’t mean you don’t have anxiety attacks. It simply means that your body is responding to them slightly differently. Anxiety attacks (panic attacks) and their signs and symptoms are episodes of high degree stress responses accompanied or precipitated by

a high degree fear and anxiety.

Anxiety is defined as: A state of apprehension, uncertainty, and fear resulting from the anticipation of a

real or imagined event, situation, or circumstance that we think might be threatening. In other words, if

we become concerned (afraid) that something could harm or endanger us in some way, this concern (fear) creates the state of being anxious.

When we’re anxious, the body produces a stress response. The stress response is designed to give us an extra ‘boost’ of awareness and energy when we think we could be in danger. The stress response causes a number of physiological, psychological, and emotional changes in the body that enhance the body’s ability to deal with a perceived threat – to either fight or flee, which is the reason the stress response is often referred to as the ‘fight or flight response.

The degree of accompanying stress response and its physiological, psychological, and emotional changes are directly proportional to the degree of anxiety. For example, if you are only slightly concerned, such as being slightly nervous about meeting someone new, the body produces a small degree stress response. The small degree stress response can be so slight that you don’t even notice it. If you are greatly afraid, however, such as being terrified that there is a burglar in your home that is about to harm you, the body produces a high degree stress response. We generally experience high degree stress responses as being anxiety attacks: where the changes are so profound they get our full attention. The greater the degree of anxiety and stress response, the more changes the body experiences. Low

degree anxiety will produce small fight or flight changes in the body. High degree anxiety will produce

high degree fight or flight changes. Again, high degree fight or flight response changes are called anxiety attacks.

The most common cause of anxiety attacks is thinking you are in grave danger. Believing you are in extreme danger causes the body to produce a high degree stress response. A high degree stress response can cause profound physiological, psychological, and emotional changes in the body, which can be unnerving to the unsuspecting person. And once these changes are initiated, many anxious personalities react to them with more fear, which causes more stress responses, which can cause

more physiological, psychological, and emotional changes, and so on. So, the most common cause of anxiety attacks is overly anxious behavior (the ways we think and act in overly apprehensive ways).

When the body’s stress is kept within a healthy range, the body functions normally. When we allow stress to build up with no relief, the body can cause an involuntary panic attack – an involuntary high degree stress response that wasn’t caused by behavior. When we experience an involuntary high degree stress response, the sensations can be so profound that we think we are having a medical emergency, which anxious personalities can react to with more fear. And when we become more afraid, the body is going to produce another stress response, which causes more changes, which we can react to with more fear, and so on.

Those who experience anxiety attack disorder are not alone. It’s estimated that 19 percent of the North American adult population (ages 18 to 54) experiences an anxiety disorder, and 3 percent of the North American adult population experiences anxiety attack disorder. We believe that number is much higher, since many conditions go undiagnosed and unreported.

While everyone experiences brief episodes of intense anxiety from time to time, and a great many people experience one or two anxiety attacks over the course of their lifetime, anxiety attack disorder occurs when these attacks become frequent or persistent, begin interfering with or restricting normal lifestyle, or when the individual becomes afraid of them. Once established, anxiety attack disorder can be very debilitating.

Anxiety attack disorder generally starts with one unexplained attack that can include a number of intense anxiety attack symptoms, which causes the individual to become concerned. As other attacks occur, fear

of having anxiety attacks, what they mean, what the associated symptoms mean, and where the attacks and symptoms may lead, increases. This escalation of fear is often the catalyst that brings on the attacks, causing the individual to be seemingly caught in a cycle of fear then panic, then more fear, then more panic.

An anxiety attack can be described as a sudden attack of fear, terror, or feelings of impending doom that strike without warning and for no apparent reason. This strong sensation or feeling can also be accompanied by a number of other symptoms, including pounding heart, rapid heart rate, sweating, lightheadedness, nausea, hot or cold flashes, chest pain, hands and feet may feel numb, tingly skin sensations, burning skin sensations, irrational thoughts, fear of losing control, and a number of other symptoms. (While other symptoms often do accompany anxiety attacks, they don’t necessarily have to.)

Anxiety attacks can last anywhere between a few moments to 30 or more minutes. It’s also common for subsequent anxiety attacks to follow, causing the overall anxiety attack experience to last much longer as one episode is followed by another. Even though anxiety attacks eventually end, it’s common for the symptoms and after effects of an anxiety attack to linger for hours or even days, depending upon the severity of the attack and the level of stress your body is under.

The highest incidence of the onset of anxiety attack disorder occurs in the 17 to 25 years of age range.

But people from all age groups can experience anxiety attacks. Many people remember having them as children (anxiety attacks that occur in childhood are often misunderstood as feeling “sick” or the onset of the flu).

Women are thought to experience a higher prevalence of anxiety attacks than men, however, the statistics may be misleading because men are more reluctant to seek professional help. Anxiety attacks are often misunderstood. Many sources claim that anxiety attacks are genetically or biologically caused, or both, because they commonly occur in families. But independent research and practical evidence has disproven these claims. For example, based on our personal and professional experiences with anxiety, anxiety disorders, including anxiety attacks, we know that the factors that cause anxiety disorders are learned, and therefore, are behavioral and NOT genetically inherited or biologically caused.

Yes, anxiety disorders DO have a biological component, but the biological component is a RESULT of

our behaviors and NOT the CAUSE of them.

And yes, it’s common for anxiety disorders to run in families. But this is due to learned and passed on behavior, NOT due to genetic factors (children who grow up with anxious parents most often see, learn, and adopt their anxious behavioral style).

Anyone who has experienced anxiety attacks can tell you that anxiety attacks can be frightening and debilitating. But anxiety attacks can be stopped and prevented. Anyone can do it with the right information, help, and support.

By allaboutfa3909812, Feb 7 2017 09:36PM

After weeks, maybe even months, of decorating, shopping and wrapping, baking, visiting and being visited, the whole thing is over in a day or two. Suddenly, the display that seemed so essential to get up

on the house looks just wrong. The tree is dropping needles. The house that was so sparkling clean before Christmas now decidedly needs a good vacuuming. How’d that happen? Yeah. Kids and dogs

and visitors are a household demolition derby. If that weren’t enough, you’re trying to make peace with

the fact that your sister gave you soap when you gave her a lovely sweater and the uncle you spent so much agonizing time making a vegan dish for decided not to even stop by. It’s hard to stay in that twinkly holiday mood when it feels so over.

It’s not that unusual. Some studies show as many as 25 percent of Americans suffer from low-grade to full-blown depression after the holidays. The hype and excitement and, yes, expectation, for jolliness

buoy up many in the buildup to the Big Day. But then expectations hit reality. Relatives aren’t always kind. Gifts aren’t given and received in the spirit intended. The fantasy that maybe this year will be different is dashed yet again. It’s hard for even the most resilient not to feel a letdown. For those who are prone to depression anyway, the weeks after a holiday can feel like the emotional rug has been pulled out from them.

Yes, there are some things to do about it.

If you are taking antidepressants: This is not the time to stop. You may feel they aren’t doing their job but it’s also possible that things would be much worse if you weren’t taking them at all. Confer with your psychiatrist.

If you are in therapy: Make sure you talk about what is bothering you. Your therapist can’t help you if you skirt around issues or if, in some misguided attempt not to bother the therapist too much, you don’t tell

her how bad you feel. If things are feeling really grim, you might want to ask for an extra appointment.

Whether in treatment or not:

Take care of yourself. From Halloween to New Year’s, Americans tend to redefine the basic food groups

to sugar, fats, sugar, and sometimes alcohol. “Enough” is redefined as “stuffed.” Get back to a healthy

diet with reasonable portions. Add a walk at least once a day and a more regular bedtime. Regular routines of self-care may have disappeared over the past few months but you can reclaim them.

Take a meditative few minutes a couple times a day. Focus on what did go right over the holidays. It’s an old-fashioned idea but “counting your blessings” is an antidote to the blues.

Kids home for the week? They may be exuberant. They may be demanding. Kids are. Often their overactivity is a bid for attention. If you give them attention in a way that is pleasant for you as well, they

may well settle down. Get down on the floor and enjoy kid time. Play with the blocks and Legos. Help the kids make a fort or tent with the couch cushions. Read together. Mostly be grateful that they are OK and want to play with you.

Call a friend. Steer the conversations away from a festival of complaints and commiseration to a lively conversation of what has been going well and what you can laugh about. Sharing humor is a great way

to lift the spirits.

Make a pact with yourself to do something small but positive for yourself at least five times a day. Stay in that hot shower a few extra minutes. Get nicely dressed and comb your hair. Make the bed up clean. Straighten up your kitchen. Make yourself a cup of tea and let yourself have 10 minutes to savor it.

Give yourself the gift of giving to someone else. It’s transformative to do those random acts of kindness. Whether it’s a call to one of the older relatives who doesn’t get much attention or taking food to a shut-in, focusing on someone else’s needs has the paradoxical effect of helping the giver.

Arrange things to look forward to. The holidays aren’t the end of life as we know it. They are only the end

of the holidays. It’s time to shift the focus to everyday things that give us pleasure. Make a coffee date

with a friend or a movie date with your spouse. Turn the kids’ thinking to what will happen in school over the next few months.

Give yourself an attitude transplant. If being one of those who looks at the world through mud-covered glasses has never worked for you, why continue it? Take charge of your life and your mood by doing any number of the ideas listed above and adding some of your own.

Written By Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D.

RSS Feed

Web feed